Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

"Where is my god? Has he forsaken me?”

Rating: 3/5

Director: Francis Ford Coppola

Starring: Gary Oldman (Dracula: vampire/romantic/real estate tycoon), Winona Ryder (Elisabeta/Mina: our damsel in distress) Keanu Reeves (Jonothan: a low energy real estate agent/Winona’s husband). 

Premise:  Gary Oldman has been through some shit. Luckily, it seems his long-and-tragically-dead wife Winona Ryder has been reincarnated. Unfortunately, Winona’s now engaged to brooding real estate agent Keanu Reeves. Things get weird when Gary invites Keanu to his appropriately-vampirish-castle for some house hunting.

Recommend:  For fans of hair metal. A captivating operatic watch that isn’t particularly gory but dishes out its disturbing moments. Dracula pines, Jonothan pines less convincingly, Mina giggles about sex, all the while enshrined in some degree of shadow. The plot is reasonably fast-paced and the excellent practical visual effects keep you watching. The relationship between Mina and her bestie Lucy (who deserved better) is particularly hard hitting - despite the fact they’re both distinctively 2D characters.

In the vein of:  Frankenstein (2025), Nosferatu (2024), Interview with a Vampire (1992), The Godfather (1972).

Mood: Having a ciggie behind Valhalla.